Time for Christmas!

It's been awhile since I last posted, but I'm very excited to point out the obvious: It's Christmas! And it's time to start shopping.

Start?! I hear people saying as they read this. But I just got done!

Hey, it's ok. The beauty of starting now is that you're under no deadline to buy. The next time you run to the store to pick up toilet paper, browse the clearance aisle. You'll find plenty of end-of-season deals being sold for cents on the dollar. For now you're seeing what's out there and picking up the things you like.

But . . . my credit card's maxed out and my spouse will KILL me if I get anything more.

These are valid points. Notice that I only mentioned that it's time to start. We don't need to be finished till next Christmas. In the meantime, there are a lot of deals, steals, and homemade projects to take advantage of. My organizational plan is to keep a list of the people I buy for, and throughout the year, if I see a deal that someone would like, I get it. Then I write it on my Santa List for that person, including the price spent, and where I put it. (That last part is crucial!) Come December, I shop to fill in the gaps in my list. This way, you can take advantage of every deal you find.

If you were to divide your typical "Christmas-plus-birthdays" spending by twelve, this is the amount per month you need to save for your gift shopping. The first year you shop in advance, you'll need to employ some solid financial discipline to both purchase your gifts and to pay down your bills. However, once this system is running smoothly, you'll find that you've saved not only by paying a lower price for the gifts, but also by paying no interest on them after the fact.

You mentioned steals?!

I'd never suggest that anybody break the law, but one way to get stocking stuffers is to go to your search engine and type in 'free samples.' You'd be surprised by how much is available for free. This is especially true regarding toiletries and items for children. However, this is not an impulse buy. The shipping usually takes 4-6 weeks, and some items are out of stock. Some freebie sites advertise that they only link to products that have no shipping and handling charges. I recommend these as a good place to start, however sometimes the few dollars spent in shipping and handling is well worth the product you receive. You be the judge. Myself, I refuse to pay for trial products. That's not even about the products themselves. It's just that once the fantastic plastic is in full view, it's a lot easier to use it repeatedly.

And the craft projects?

I have a few hobbies that make nice gifts. Fabric painting and beading jewelry are high on my list. Yes, there is a start-up cost involved, and the products are rarely on sale. I suggest buying the products only after you have a project in mind, and then sticking to the shopping list for that project. But the beauty of homemade gifts is that you can tailor them to the recipient, your own talents are showcased, and if your hours have been cut at work, this gives you something to do - often even with friends who also enjoy a good craft project. Start these in advance. They can be time-consuming.

But I never know what clothing sizes to get for the kids.

And you won't. Children's clothing is best purchased or made near the time they plan to wear them, as they change size quickly and often unpredictably.

As is the case with everything, this system may not be 100% workable during the first year. If you were even able to do this for 50% of your gifts, you'll notice feeling more on the ball, less stressed out, and your finances will start to look up as well. Use this approach to the extent that it makes sense for you to use it.

In the meantime, Christmas is a celebration of love, not of presents. I hope your Christmas is filled with joy, beauty and all the people who are special to you.

Sleeping at the Wheel

Sometimes I fall asleep at the wheel. I also sometimes sleep through alarm clocks, which is a more common problem for me. So a few months ago, when I needed to leave at 2:00am to catch a flight for my aunt's wedding, I simply opted not to go to bed at all. I could always sleep on the flight, right? The first two-thirds of the drive was fine. However, when I neared the Illinois/Missouri border, fatigue claimed me before I realized what was happening. Sweetly slumbering at 70 miles an hour, I was awakened by a forceful jolt accompanied by a loud thud. My car veered the other direction across the pavement, cruise control still engaged. ***$#!+***!!! What was that?

Sitting bolt upright, I tapped the brake, got back into a lane and looked around . . . like the outstretched fingers of a ballerina, lights reached toward me, their reflections spanning the still-black surface of the pre-dawn Mississippi. I was somewhere near the center of the river, and my car had smacked into the side of the bridge.

If I could just get to the airport. If I could just make my flight. That's all I really wanted to do then, was to just get to that wedding. I would have checked for damages in the lights at the parking lot had I made it that far, but my tire went flat. What a pain. I mean, I truly couldn't believe it. Even with roadside assistance, I missed my flight. And the tire was ripped to shreds. I only hoped that the rim could be salvaged. I didn't have the money for this!

That's right. I had just crashed into the bridge over the Mississippi River while driving 70 miles per hour, and I was completely unharmed. But I was still upset about my ruined tire. Sometimes, things are a matter of perspective. And sometimes, perspectives change over time.

Losing my job felt horrifying. I'd really wanted to work there! I liked my co-workers and I liked working with my clients. Yes, it was stressful at times, but I felt a sense of purpose in helping people, and over the years several of my clients had asked me not to leave. Yeah, there were things about the place I'd hoped would someday be different, but every job has frustrations. That's why it has a paycheck.

While a paycheck is essential, so is sleep. About 10 months after I had started that job, the agency mandated the full-time clinicians to carry the night/weekend pager. If the pager went off, we got out of bed, got dressed, drove forty minutes (for me, at least) to the site of the emergency, and spent the next few hours assessing and often hospitalizing the individual in crisis. And then we went back home, as the agency refused to provide an on-site place for us to sleep. If the pager went off a second time in the same night, we repeated the process. The last few months I'd worked at this agency, the pager had gone off two or three times nearly every night I carried it.

Now, with winter approaching, I find myself thinking back to the time I made that drive at 3:00am during a blizzard. Despite having the interstate to myself, the road was a sheet of ice, with snow covering it. I left the heat off and the radio on high, hoping to stay awake. Earlier that night, I'd put boots in the car, as well as a blanket, a candle, a lighter, my cell phone, and a sheet of paper with emergency contact numbers. I sincerely hoped not to need any of these. It wasn't safe . . . but all I really wanted to do then was to just be good at my job. (After this point, the agency made suggestions for how to respond to pager calls during inclement weather.)

Thankfully, I have more than one talent. Thankfully, I have amazing friends and family who have been very supportive and very willing to help however they can. And thankfully, I now have a part-time job, a home-based business, and I've been interviewing for two jobs that both sound interesting. But even now, several months into a difficult job search, mandates that compromise my safety continue to be a deal-breaker. When I compare my life today with the struggles I know my former co-workers continue to face, I don't envy them. Sometimes, a job loss isn't as bad as it initially seems.

A pessimist seeks hope for today's economy.

Unfortunately, I can be a bit of a pessimist. More unfortunately, I'm sometimes right.

Take, for example, the collapse of the Soviet Union. Such a pivotal moment in history! Reagan and Gorbachev were amazing personalities, and the choices they made changed the course of the world. The air sparked with excitement - finally, we didn't need to worry about a nuclear holocaust! People laughed about the bomb shelters that had been built in the 50's. Whew, no need for those anymore! And yet, I was pessimistic. "Where will their weapons go?" I asked. Sure, the USSR had nukes, but mutually assured destruction (MAD) kept both nations in check. Nobody could answer this question. "Well . . . I think they're going to stay in Russia. Most of them, at least," was the best answer I received. The nuclear weapons once owned by the United Soviet Socialist Republic continue to be sought, as they are being sold on the black market in the Middle East.

I was also pessimistic about the war in Iraq. So much uncertainty surrounded this situation that we had no choice but to assume our President and his advisors were operating under the direction of sound and accurate intelligence, but I was scratching my head for reasons other than what most of the nay-sayers had. "If they don't have the weapons, we're a bully; if they do, we're toast," was all I could think of to say. I realize that war is a necessary evil, and I'm familiar with Clausewitz's teachings that advocate a pre-emptive strike. However, the United States had never initiated a war with nuclear weapons involved.

And now, once again, I'm feeling pessimistic. Thankfully, it has nothing to do with weapons this time around. The US economy. I'm no economist, and I have no inside track to information, so I could be wrong in my thinking. I truly hope that I am! Even so, I find myself observing aspects to the economic recovery that I have not heard discussed on the news, and regrettably, all of these aspects are negative indicators. So I'm going to discuss them, and you can create your own opinions.

The US is currently in two wars. Traditionally, a war boosts our economy for two reasons. The first reason is that it creates jobs to manufacture weapons and bullets. The second reason is that with the soldiers away at war, other people need to fill their places (often temporarily) at their jobs. The end result is that during a war, unemployment is usually very low. Jobs are abundant and the people wanting to take those jobs are few. Right now, the US is not in one war - we're in *two* wars. Our economy is actually elevated over what it would otherwise be.

The current distribution of population is stacked against economic growth. Granted, if the baby-boomers had also had several children apiece, the United States would be suffering some severe population issues, so this might be a blessing in disguise. But even so, the question nags at the back of my mind - how will they be supported? The companies that provide their pensions are struggling to float and the buyers, which provide the revenue for corporations, have been laid off. Who will financially support the elderly, and how?

The average lifespan is increasing. With the aid of modern medicine, the children born now can expect to live to approximately age 100, assuming they do not die an accidental death. If our culture remains as it is today, this means that the least productive and most expensive portion of our lives has been substantially lengthened. In other words, people need to be doing much better retirement planning than we currently do, else we will outlive our money.

Taxes support our government, and employed people pay the taxes. With such a high unemployment rate, what happens to our government? "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!" spoken in Reagan's strong tones was the most powerful political speech I've ever heard. It brought tears to my eyes. But it actually didn't bring down the Soviet Union or any of their satellite nations. What destroyed the USSR was their flailing economy. They collapsed from the inside. Their government spent so much to maintain its military that nothing was left over to run the country. History can, and does, repeat itself, and the US needs taxpayers in order to maintain a well-functioning government. The indigent don't pay taxes because they earn too little to be taxed. The wealthy are well-versed in how to use tax shelters. The middle class generally pay the highest percentage of taxes to their overall worth, and the middle class is shrinking. Unless the wealthy want to shoulder the full responsibility of supporting the government, they need to help bring the middle class back into balance.

Megalithic corporations have traditionally used connections and donations to promote their interests through politics, however these same corporations do not necessarily concern themselves with the well-being of the United States. Why should they? They aren't making policy, they're making money. If they go all bleeding-heart, they make a lot less of it and nobody has a retirement account. Regrettably, many of their policies have been alarmingly short-sighted. By sending manufacturing overseas, they made money in the short-term because they found a less expensive way to manufacture their goods. However, they lost money in the long-run, because they now can't find people to buy those same goods.
At this point, the stock market is recovering, but this doesn't mean the same thing it meant ten years ago. Ten years ago, this meant that the United States was thriving. At this point, the labor and the markets have been exported. So a strong stock market indicates that the corporations are getting a bit of color back in their cheeks, but that speaks more for the global economy than it does for the US economy. Do I want people everywhere to do well? Sure! But the shift has been so sudden that the people in the Unites States don't know how to compensate. That needs to be addressed.

I have some ideas for ways we can help ourselves, the global economy, and the United States of America, and I'd like to hear yours. Unfortunately, we can't turn back time or wave a wand to generate a quick fix. The resolutions I see would require all sides of this situation to change priorities and to work together more peacefully. While I question if this is possible, I don't want today's post to be one of doom. I'm calling attention to some problems so that we can define our hopes, identify ways to overcome the challenges we face, and take action. We, the people, have many walls to tear down, and the restructuring needs to come from the inside.

Early detection is common cents.

"I'm seeing something suspicious on the right side, so I'm getting you in for a sonogram in a few minutes. You can stay here so you don't have to sit out in the waiting room."

I didn't understand. The sweet-faced radiologist had spoken these words in a simple tone, the same tone a pharmacist might use to suggest you take a seat while your prescription were filled. But this was no pharmacy, it was a medical clinic and the mammogram was supposed to be routine. A swell of nausea percolated in my belly, then eased. Was she saying what I thought she was saying?

"What do you mean," I asked, "by 'something suspicious'?"

"Something suspicious" was exactly as I feared. A lump had been found deep in my right breast. Because this lump was small and because a biopsy would have been invasive, the doctors recommended we wait, test frequently, and see if anything changed.

This is a surefire way to drive a woman nuts. In the three years that have passed since that time, I've had very regular mammograms and have also done a little reading on the topic. Enough to know that women going on long walks and men wearing pink will not cure breast cancer, but that research and early detection is essential.

The most important thing I'd like to share is that not every lump is necessarily cancerous. Fibrous masses, cysts and calcium deposits are common in a breast, and these lumps look and feel just like a cancerous lump would. This is one reason why women need to do self-exams. The better you know your body, the more savvy you will be when you discuss any changes with your doctor.

Early detection really is the key - for any form of cancer. If a cancerous lump is full encapsulated (think of an egg in its shell), it can safely be removed with some follow-up treatments and the survivor can move on to her/his happy normal life. If the cancer has begun to spread, the survival rate is much lower. In the case of breast cancer, the body's own hormones are a potential culprit, as they circulate through the body, promoting the spread to various other reproductive organs. Some medications have been developed to prevent this from occurring, but they need to be used proactively. Early detection saves your money, your time, your ability to hold a job, and your ability to spend time with your family and friends. Early detection saves your life as well as your quality of life.

Men, you are much less likely to have breast cancer, but you are not completely immune. If you find a lump in your chest or armpit area, please see a doctor. This is just as serious an illness in men as it is in women, and early detection is just as necessary.

I've heard it said that mammograms are painful, but I'm going to dispute this. Because my situation was being monitored with frequent mammograms, I've had several more than has the average 41-year-old woman. Most of mine have been no more painful than any other X-ray. The one exception to this was the time I decided to use a different clinic, a small hospital located very close to my job. The equipment was malfunctioning and the apologetic technician was trying very, very hard to get a clear picture. This mammogram left me extensively bruised and prompted me to transfer my services back to the clinic I'd used previously. My suggestion is that if X-ray equipment is having issues, request to either reschedule or to go to a different clinic.

The most important thing is that sometimes the ending is happy. Over the three years I've spent having frequent mammograms, the lump maintained its size for about a year. Then it started to shrink. But my last test came back normal, so now I'm getting tested only once a year, just like everybody else my age.

Just like you - right?

Farkle and the Pursuit of Employment

During the time I've been out of work, I have discovered a new pursuit: Facebook Farkle. This is a dice game, a game of chance, and I'd like to think, of skill. But mostly of chance. I've played this enough times to have schemed an approach, a strategy to prevent the dice from getting the best of me.

The rules of Farkle are important to this post, so I'll explain them as succinctly as I know how. You must score at least 300 points per turn, and you must have at least one scoring die in every single roll. If you don't, you Farkle! A Farkle is a cataclysmic disaster in the game of Farkle. Not only can you roll no more, but you also lose all the points you'd accumulated in that turn.

So if you score big on the first roll, things are easy. You decide you're happy and you end your turn. But - and here's where skill becomes helpful - let's say you don't. We'll say you get two measly 'fives,' and nothing else that's at all useful. When this happens on the first roll, I tend to use the first 'five' so that I can progress to the next roll, but I leave the other 'five' in the pool for the next roll. I don't get points for that second 'five,' but it raises my odds for a higher score in the long run.

Today I had an interview. The young woman who did my initial interview introduced herself, then led me through the store, down a narrow, white hallway, up some stairs, through a door requiring a key code, down another hallway, and into a barren, windowless office. She offered me a seat. I took it and she took the other. She then explained that the position I'd applied for had already been filled. Would I consider a seasonal job as a team member?

Would I consider a seasonal job as a team member . . . Just then, I realized that I was hungry. I'd been too nervous to sleep well last night, and I hadn't had my coffee, so I was also tired to the point of feeling achy. I was over-dressed for a team member interview, and none of the questions I'd mentally rehearsed last night were even going to be asked.

Of course I'd consider the job. What else was I going to do? During the course of our discussion, I watched the interviewer's cheeks flush as I disclosed that I'd been a counselor. Thankfully, she made no comment, but rather, she clutched her paper with both hands, her gaze fixed on the questions before her. She read each verbatim, and noted my replies in the spaces between the questions. Only when she had finished did she look up. Her eyes seemed redder than before, but she asked me to wait for the next interviewer. Was this one of her first interviews, or had my own nervousness worn off on her? Could it be that she was surprised to find me so much in need of work?

I'd rolled a five . . . but I hadn't Farkled. In fact, I was offered the job. Part-time, seasonal, making pizza. I figured that at $8.00 an hour, I'd take home somewhere between $500.00 and $600.00 a month. That's better than nothing, but I'd hoped to be able to repay my mom and step-dad for the gas and groceries they've bought for me. I won't have enough left over for that. BUT - I've found work!!! For the time I spend making pizzas, I'll strive to be an excellent pizza-maker.

There are some silver linings to this approach. Because this position is part-time, I still have the time I'd need to find something more career-oriented, and I could probably work this around my schedule as an evening job to help me earn back my losses. As a full-time team leader, I might not have been able to do this. And since I'm making pizza, my resume might just get some street-cred. This is more important than it initially sounds. See, I know that pride doesn't pay the bills. I've applied at businesses in the past, but they haven't taken my application seriously. And all the jobs I've worked over the past ten years have required my master's degree, so I can't very well dumb down my resume. Lastly, the interviewers promised me that the company has opportunities for advancement, and they sounded as if they'd be somewhat flexible to my scheduling needs.

Success in a job hunt is a combination of skill and chance. I have a certain degree of skill, so I'm holding out hope. Unlike Farkle, there is always another roll in the job world. Although the competition is steep, it's a matter of submitting a lot of apps, stacking the the odds in our favor, and being thrifty till we get back into the normal pace of life.

Managing Depression

From the outside, depression looks like an attitude problem. The person sitting across from you is quick to flare, at times weepy, a beacon of gloom sent to suck all joy and energy from your day. If they'd just get over it! From the inside, depression is pain, an inexplicable nails-on-the-chalkboard feeling that follows you day in, day out, causing the happy moments to be bittersweet and the sad ones to be overwhelming. It alters your appetite, disrupts your sleep, even makes you feel stupid at times. A shock such as a job loss puts the best of us into a tailspin. If this has happened to you, and if you're already depressed, I'm going to wager that it's put you in bed. For at least a few days, if not longer. And if your case is severe . . . if your case is severe, you might find yourself hearing things. Voices, music that isn't playing anywhere. You might find yourself having thoughts of suicide or homicide, or you might find yourself having some out-of-place thoughts that nobody around you agrees with.

If this is you, there really IS help. Especially if you are having the symptoms of severe depression I mentioned, please see a doctor and call a therapist. A doctor can get you on medications and the therapist will tend to any emotional wounds that continue to bleed. But if your thoughts of suicide or homicide are to the extent that you are afraid someone could be hurt, bypass that suggestion and go straight to the emergency room. Ditto, if your unusual thoughts have reached a level where you or your children are in harm's way for any reason. You'll be assessed for hospitalization, yes, but you'll be alive. And in the long run, things will work their way through.

These are caveats that are very necessary and that do not belong in fine print at the bottom of the page. Always ensure your safety, including your psychological safety. "Mental Illness" is actually a physical illness that affects portions of the brain, altering our moods and thought patterns as well as our body's overall rhythms. If you need help, you need help - get it.

But not all depression is life-threatening. Mild to moderate depression can be managed at least in part by making some lifestyle changes. So I'm going to list and discussion these changes - the things you can do to help yourself. Look down the list here, choose one that seems easiest to do, and start there. Once that habit feels normal, try the next easiest suggestion. You can do more than one of these if you'd like, but keep the focus on learning one at a time.

Light. Some researchers have questioned if our skin has light sensors that combat depression, however I never saw additional research on this issue after I'd read a study on this. Open the blinds, let in the daylight, and try wearing shorts around the house. It sounds hokey, but it helps.

Physical health. When's the last time you had a check-up? That's right, an actual physical. If it's been over a year, get this updated. A physical health issue can look like a mental health issue, because mental health issues are worsened by stress. If you're sick, your system is stressed, regardless of how happy the rest of your life seems.

Exercise. Sorry, I don't mean to use foul language here! I promise I will not become a fitness nazi on you. BUT - 20 minutes of moderate exercise each day will do wonders for depression. I'm not talking boot camp - just a walk around the neighborhood will do. Maybe you could do calisthenics in front of the TV in the evenings or go dancing. If this is new to you, see a doctor to know what you can do, and pace yourself. Whatever routine you choose for this purpose doesn't need to be difficult.

Thought-stopping. Another thing researchers have determined is that our thoughts shape our mood. If you see a dark squiggly thing writhing in front of you, you'll take a step back. A snake! Your pupils dilate, your adrenaline flows, and your heart beats in like a tribal drum in your chest. No . . . wait. It's not a snake at all. Look - it's a stick that just now fell from the tree. You smile, breathe a sigh a relief and look around to see if anybody caught you being silly. No. That's good, because you didn't want to explain your reaction to anybody. Let's look at this more closely. You thought it was a snake. And since you thought that, everything in your body responded to keep you safe from the threat. Once you thought it was a stick, you were able to relax again. Take one thought that's negative and that isn't helping. There might be several, but especially at first, it's good to start with one. First of all, do you have a plan to address the situation? Ok, good. In that case, we keep going. The plan needs to be followed, but these thoughts are hurting you. So when you have these thoughts, think to yourself, "Stop!" Some people also snap a rubber band on their wrists to help with this. And then, purposely, switch to a different thought. This is not about avoiding problems. This is about seeing a stick for what it is.

Sleep. We need about eight hours of uninterrupted sleep each night. The first four hours heal your body and ensure physical health. The next four hours heal your brain. Serotonin, the neurotransmitter that makes us happy, doesn't start to regenerate until we've been asleep for five hours. Since light eases depression, try sleeping when it's dark outside.

Fluids. Water being another source of our bodies' energy, please get your share. Eight to ten glasses each day can make a big difference.

Breathing. Somehow, we all learned to breathe wrong. Try taking a deep, easy breath. Pull the air all the way down to your diaphragm (by your waist), and hold this for a few seconds. Now exhale s-l-o-w-l-y-y-y. This boosts our energy, reduces our anxiety, and it can be done in public.

Connect with your packs. Humans are pack animals . . . or 'social beings' if we want to dress the term up a bit. Regardless of the semantics we choose, we need our people. Our friends, family, co-workers, church-goers, club members, online friends . . . our people. Reach out to them. An emotional injury suffered privately, festers. If you're invested in a job-hunt, chances are good that they'll want to help you. And even if they can't offer you a lead you can use, you will still be a part of something.

Plan pleasant experiences. Let's try an exercise for a moment. Take a sheet of paper and write all the five senses on it. Now, beside each sense, make a quick list of things pertaining to that sense that you like. They need to be free and easy to encounter. My list would go something like this: Sight - fall leaves, kittens, candles; Sound - wind in the trees, jazz, my cat purring; Touch - warm shower, hugs, a kitten's fur; Smell - lilacs, burning leaves, vanilla; Taste - herbal tea, water with lemon, chicken salad sandwiches. Looking at this list, if I light a scented candle and play with a cat, I've just made four of my five senses happy. Either of these can be done at any moment I choose.

Nutrition. Blood sugar fluctuations will also mimic depression. To manage mood, try eating three to six balanced healthy meals each day. This is true even if you don't feel like eating. You can't expect to feel energetic if you deprive your body of energy.

For emotional overeaters - please look into finding other sources of energy. Focus on getting your sleep, breathing, exercise, and fluid intake in appropriate amounts. Then train yourself to be aware of your appetite levels. If you're a little hungry, eat something that's healthy. Once you're a little full, stop. Overeaters Anonymous can be an excellent resource for support.

Affirmations. Ok, so the SNL skit was really funny! But they forgot to mention how well these can help. You can either Google 'affirmation' and find some that have already been written, or you can write your own, but either way, make sure they apply to you and your life. Have several - say, maybe six - written down. And say them to yourself out loud in front of the mirror at least five times a day. If you're not working, this isn't difficult - you could put them in your bathroom and say them in the mirror each time you use the little room. If you are working, you may not be able to do them as many as five times, but three times a day should be feasible.

Housework. Ouch. First I mention exercise, and now it's housework! But believe it or not, there is research that claims that a living in a messy house will exacerbate depression. Which is a raw rub. I mean, if you weren't depressed, your house would be clean in the first place! Break this chore down. You eat a meal one bite at a time. Clean your house one room at a time. Or maybe just one chair at a time. Different people conquer this project in different ways. My favorite approach to housework is to set a timer for one hour. For that hour, I work on a specific room. Once the hour's up, I go do something else.

Journaling. Make that journal your own. Keep it in a place where nobody will find it - this is here for you. For your thoughts. It's personal, and it's meant to be for those thoughts that nobody else needs to know. You'll be surprised at how good a listener a piece of paper can be.

Friends. Connect with them, but try not to burn them out. We all need to talk to someone at times in our lives. Part of giving back is that at some point, you'll be the person listening.

Watch what you watch! Your television, the news, the movies or videogames. What are you watching? Will it put you in a good mood or will it simply raise your hackles and stress you out even more? You have enough going on in your life without having stressful entertainment.

Learn something new. This doesn't need to be linked to finding a job. Think of something you've always wished you knew more about. And then see if there's a free way to learn it. Many classes are offered for free online (you won't get course credit) and sometimes you can even get the instruction face-to-face. I found a free class on home maintenance, and I look forward to it every week! Our brains like a reasonable challenge. This is healthy for us.

Find a sense of purpose. Many people lose their purpose when the lose their jobs. Think back to the last time you tried to make conversation with someone you'd just met. "What do you do?" is often one of the first questions asked, with "I'm a . . . " being the answer. It's the bridge between small talk and showing interest in that person, specifically. And yet, people who don't hold jobs can still take pride in their lives. "I'm a stay-at-home mom," answer some. Me, I'm unemployed as a therapist, but I do odd jobs for my folks, I write a blog, and I tend to the feral cats who populate my yard. (They're ridiculously cute!)

Substances? Alcohol is a depressant. That's right - it actually causes depression. Although it's true that alcohol's a muscle relaxant, it does nothing to change the levels of stress hormones in a person's blood system. (Meditation, however, is good for that.) And people think that marijuana makes a person more mellow? Nix to that idea. Ok, if it were used extremely occasionally in small amounts, it might. But we've all hear that for every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction? If someone uses marijuana regularly, they become much more high-strung than they ever were in the first place. It also increases the risk of becoming permanently psychotic. That's the rebound effect for a drug that remains in our fat cells for at least a month after one use. (The brain has a high percentage of fat, did you know that?) Additionally, if marijuana is used during pregnancy, the pot crosses the placenta into the baby's system and stays there. Other drugs, while possibly more harmful, at least have a limited time frame of exposure. Caffeine raises the level of stress hormones in our blood, which is the last thing we need if we're already stressed out. It also prevents us from sleeping well, and it reduces the effectiveness of antidepressants. And we all know that cigarettes will make a person wheezy, there's no need to even cover that one.

Hygiene. Yes, you must. Really. I don't care if you want to take a shower or not. One issue with depression is that people stop washing themselves. It's not an issue of time or money - it's one of energy. It's easier just to stay in bed, and without a job, who's going to see you anyway? That's not the point. The point is that depression is a slowly shifting wall, and the more breathing space you give it, the more impending it becomes. So - get up. Get into the shower, do a quick shampoo, soap up the stinky spots, and rinse. I think it goes easier if you've laid out your clothing the night before. You may or may not feel better once it's done, but over time you'll feel a lot worse if you don't.

How about St. John's Wort? The jury is out. Myself, I encourage people to go with prescription medications for a few reasons . . . starting with, just because something is 'all natural' does NOT mean it's safe. Hemlock is all-natural, and it was used to execute Socrates. Because the USDA doesn't regulate herbs, we don't know the side effects or drug interactions that St. John's Wort would have with various other medications you need. We also don't know what amounts are helpful as opposed to what constitutes an overdose for your body weight. We don't know how it impacts men vs. women or children vs. adults. And lastly, we don't know if the specific pill you're taking even has the herb inside.

If the cost is what prevents you from taking prescription medications, find a pharmacy that has a reduced-cost plan, such as a four-dollar plan, and then ask if the pharmacist will allow people to fill 90 days' worth at a time. In some places, a 90-day refill costs ten dollars. Ask your doctor for samples; sometimes they have those on hand. And if not, see if the pharmaceutical company that creates the medication has a program to lower the cost. Some doctors will allow some of their patients to fill a prescription for twice the dosage per pill, fill that prescription, and then use a pill-cutter to halve the pills. The patient gets the correct dosage at half the cost.

Eye Movements. I'm going to offer an exercise here, but before doing so, I need to ask you for two favors. The first is that you don't do this exercise unless you have mastered every other suggestion here. The second is that if doing this exercise rips open any past traumas, you need to be willing to see a therapist. If you can't make both of those two promises, that's ok. Skip this and do something else.

You'll need to read through all of this before doing any of it. For this exercise, set a timer for thirty seconds. Sit/stand up straight. Directly in front of you, extend both your arms with the index fingers pointed upward. Focus your vision on something directly above your fingers, and slowly move both arms out to your sides. The second you no longer can see your index fingers in your peripheral vision, stop and hold them there. Now, that old, painful wound that continues to bleed? Let's think about it. That's right, we're taking a break from the thought-stopping just for now. As the clock ticks, think about that situation as clearly as possible - but we're going to do something differently. As you remember this, your eyes will remain open and they will move back and forth from one finger to the other. Start with the situation itself, and move to what has made you safer since that point? How are you powerful? When your timer goes off, continue moving your eyes for another few seconds and say out loud the things that give you strength and safety. Find a sheet of paper and write these down.

How's your family? Families function differently under stress than they do in happy times. The people change, the roles change. It's ok to have a sit-down meeting with your family and to tell them what's going on. It's also ok to let your kids know that you're afraid. But the last thing you want is for the kids to feel as though they need to take charge, even if you'd love to hand over the reins. For one thing, they're going to do a bad job at it, because they don't have the maturity and experience they'd need to succeed. For another thing, they're not going to want to relinquish the power they have. Instead, assure them that everything is going to be ok, and that you're still in charge, but that you might sometimes ask them for help. Financial hardship can be a learning tool for children. How would you want them to handle this if it came up in their lives down the road? The older kids can see a budget in all stages of implementation. The younger children might enjoy cutting out and organizing coupons. Just keep them away from the toy store fliers.

This information should be enough to get most people started on a path of better self-care. Some of these suggestions may require further discussion, but if they do, that's a different post.

Signing off for tonight,

The 'Cent ;-)

Finding the silver lining

Lately, I've encountered an onslaught of bizarre feedback. Normally, I would dismiss it as one person's perspective, but this is coming from a variety of people, many of whom don't know one another. "For someone who's unemployed, you're upbeat," remarked my father. "Well, I can't let myself fall apart just because my job's gone," was my reply. Some days later, my stepdad commented, "You actually seem happier since you've lost your job." But he's the eternal optimist, full of compliments. The kicker came last night when I was with a group of friends. "I think unemployment is agreeing with you," one stated. "You aren't as grumpy anymore."

Enough's enough. "Yes I am. I'm just as grumpy as I've ever been," came my retort. Everyone in the room sided . . . against me. They pointed out that I seemed more relaxed, better rested, and less stressed. One person came to my rescue, but only to dryly quip that the person who had made the original comment tends to evoke grumpiness from everyone.

I couldn't admit it there, but I've noticed a few changes myself. I now sleep through the night. My blood pressure has dropped 15 points, and a few extra pounds have slid off my frame with no effort. Funny television shows are actually funny.

"Maybe this would be a good time for you to determine what you really want to do," one of my friends said. This seemed like an odd thing for her to say. I'd worked hard to become a counselor. I liked my clients and co-workers, and they seemed to like me. The challenge of each session motivated me to continue learning, most recently about neurology, a fascinating area of exploration. Having no children, I felt that whatever help I could provide my clients, and in turn their families, was my gift to this world.

My job had become my purpose. A purpose I took seriously, and when I lost my job, I felt like a failure. But, as my friends reminded me, I have many talents. Perhaps those skills also deserve a chance to shine. Perhaps I needed to reinvent myself. In the long run, I might decide that losing my job was for the best. And in the short run, my friends, family and cat claim to enjoy my company better.

Think you have overdraft protection? Maybe not.

Even if you have overdraft protection, you might decide to check your checking account balance more frequently. I know that I wish I had. One of the perks of my credit union is that they don't bill me overdraft fees. Or at least they didn't for fourteen years. Instead, they covered any debits using my savings account and notified me of my blunder. I didn't lean on this heavily, but every few years I'd make a mistake, and then compliment myself on my wise choice to use this credit union.

I've recently been made aware of a change, and not in the manner I would have appreciated. The notice came in the mail, informing me that I had been billed $25.00 of overdraft fees. "HOW?" was all I could think. I'd made a sizable balance transfer to cover some upcoming debits, and besides, my credit union was the best. Or so I'd thought.

Further inspection revealed that the balance transfer, which I'd done using telephone keypad prompts, hadn't transpired. I also realized that I'd received numerous overdraft fees spanning a period of over two weeks prior to being notified. And the last thing I needed was a credit union that was helping itself to my money.

The email I sent to the bank was courteous, explaining that three mistakes had been made on their behalf, and requesting that all fees be waived. Their reply was a generic response from "The Customer Service Team" telling me that they had saved me money despite the fees. So my second email was more direct. "This is unacceptable," I wrote, requesting a manager to review the matter, and reminding them that if my money were to remain in their care, I needed to know that they would uphold their end of our agreements. A manager replied, stating that the fees had been waived, "as a one-time courtesy."

A bank error usually wouldn't warrant a blog post, but what my research revealed, does. Turns out that this tactic is wide-spread. Like everybody else, the banks are getting hard up, and they have started to charge additional fees where they legally can. In the UK, this practice has already been outlawed, however, in the US, we're still addressing the matter. The issue is in Congress at this point: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/09/20/AR2009092002879.html

This is an indication that we consumers have some power. Our rights have not been presumed dead. But until this issue is resolved - if it ever is resolved - we need to make certain that the banks follow the agreements we have with them. We have two weapons in our arsenals. The first is to escalate a complaint, and the second is to be willing to transfer our funds to a more honest institution. If we all take these steps, the banks will get the point regardless of what Congress does.

Giving Back

In a society that exists by using money as its means for exchange, it can be difficult to identify ways for an unemployed person to give back to society. And why should we? Don't we have a right to be angry? We know there's money somewhere in this country. Let someone else do the dirty work.

No. No, because if they were going to do that, they'd be doing it already. No, because even if we're angry and stressed and scared and confused, we still live in this society and it's ours to make better. Even during the hard times, there are ways for us to provide a benefit for society, and the onus is on each of us to do that.

In my second post, I suggested that we make a list of our resources. Not just our money, but our abilities, talents, packs, health, time, et cetera. What's in your corner? If you have that list handy, pull it out and if not, make one now. What on your list can be used to better the lives of the people around you? This needs to be done in a way that doesn't set you back further, so think down the road a little to the probable impact on your life.

Can you volunteer? Help a friend? Provide information? Create something beautiful? Walk dogs for the humane society? Read to a child? Most churches, social service agencies and not-for-profit organizations would love for someone to lend them a hand; they're all under-funded. We all have things we do well that can be our gift to society.

Lately, I haven't given money to any causes. However, I've volunteered to be on the security team at my church, I've offered free trumpet lessons to the 10-year-old next door, and I've been writing this blog, as well as a book. What would I get out of doing any of these things? I don't know, but that isn't the point.

This isn't me being charitable. This is me doing my part. The dearth of jobs in the United States is not expected to abate. While the corporations will recover financially by creating new markets overseas, the United States expects to move forward with nearly 20% of the workforce being jobless. (This figure is higher than the unemployment rate, which is based on those jobless individuals who are currently receiving benefits.) Our society can go either of two directions. We can collapse into a cesspool of drugs, crime and poverty, or we can pull together, think creatively, redefine value, and work together to help one another.

If spider webs unite, they can tie up a lion. - Ethiopian proverb

Healthy worry

All things exist in balance, including our levels of stress. Some stress is good. Short-term stress provides a burst of energy and clarity to see us through a crisis. However, we're meant to resolve our stressors and resume a sense of 'normal' - whatever that 'normal' is. Severe or long-term stress is damaging. Long-term stress knocks out our immune systems, makes physical pain more prevalent, creates cognitive lapses, facilitates unhealthy weight gain and worsens any mental health issues. Making matters worse, all of the effects of stress create more stress.

Neurologists have determined that our thoughts are the filter between our circumstances and our feelings. As in, a situation occurs, we quickly consider a few possibilities as to how to interpret the matter, and our feelings surface. This is where worry management comes into play. How do we manage worry when the circumstances haven't changed?

Healthy worry is realistic and planful. What's your goal for how you respond to a given crisis? And what are the steps you could take to achieve that goal? Break these tasks down. Make them small. If you're just getting started, it's ok to do the easiest tasks first to break the ice. Remember that maybe the reasons for your goal could be met by taking a few different paths. For example, your goal may be to find a job, but until you do, you can create better financial stability by applying for unemployment and having a garage sale.

I'm going to use weight loss as an example for healthy worry. Maybe you'd like to lose weight, but constantly beating yourself up about your size is wearing you down. The parts of weight-loss that are within your control are your exercise, eating, fluid intake, sleep, and - well, stress levels. So you make a point to eat a balanced diet with high fiber and low saturated fat. And you decide to walk twenty minutes a day, drink eight glasses of water a day and sleep eight hours a night. At this point, the scale is secondary because your body will release extra weight when it's ready.

Another form of worry is free-floating anxiety. This is a sort of stress that's constantly present, and seeks a reason for being there. This is often the result of negative circumstances from the past, but it will continue to be a problem unless it's addressed head-on. People with free-floating worry need to take excellent emotional and physical care of themselves. Some ways of doing this are maintaining a routine, keeping positive distractions available, having friends or family to talk with, and having a reachable challenge for each day. Moderate exercise, gratitude lists, thought-stopping, slow deep breaths and meditation all work wonders for free-floating worry.

Bear in mind that this is your life you're living. If we dwell on the one negative thing in front of us, we won't see the blessings.

Assessing our Assets

An enormous fallacy has been drilled into our minds: the idea that our net worth is determined by our finances.  It's true that someone's bank account is one type of asset, however this two-dimensional black-and-red spreadsheet overlooks many things a person could draw upon in a time of need.

Let's sculpt this image further.  What personal characteristics, assets, or resources can each of us use to our advantage?  If you have pen and paper handy, jot out a list.  Time is an asset, as are your skills.  A spare room in your house could be used by a roommate or by someone willing to pay for safe storage.  Your yard could be used to grow food inexpensively, and if you have no yard, containers placed on a balcony or in front of a window could do the same.  All that stuff in your attic that you've been meaning to pitch - what could that get you on Ebay?  If you have a car, keep it in good working condition.  Social service agencies don't help with transportation, as this is not seen as a need.  Anybody who has walked four miles carrying groceries knows that it is.

When I lost my job, I decided to keep my travel plans for the following week.  (The airfare was non-refundable.)  I would have spent less money had I stayed home, however I also would have forgone one of my greatest resources: time spent with my friends.  They listened to me, made me laugh, helped me have fun, and gave me ideas to use on my job hunt.  They softened the blow immensely.

Humans are pack animals.  We are meant to function as a member of various societies.  When we lose our job, we lose one of our packs - often the one that defines our sense of purpose.  What other packs do you have?  Your family?  Friends?  Any organizations?  While you might be low on money, you likely have more time.  Consider investing your time into a few of your packs.  Volunteer work has the added benefit of being a resume-filler, and could even become a job.

When you list your resources, make it as long a list as you can.  My cat is on my list of resources, not because she makes me money, but because she's funny and affectionate, and I'm motivated to maintain a place for her to live.  

When the going gets tough . . .

Having once upon a time worked myself ragged to get my master's degree, I now find myself jobless and in a race against . . . well, not time exactly, but certainly my bank account . . . to find a new job.  Over the past couple of years, my state's budget cuts for social services have been deep.  Few open positions in my field exist.  The job search is more difficult than I'd anticipated.

Therefore, I find myself using the suggestions I once would have given my clients.  Ways to remain focused, to hold depression at bay, to combat anxiety.  And additionally, ways to make the best use of every ten cents I have.